It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
