I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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