when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
no. you can't hotbox the world.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
