oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
