My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think your dad took our porno
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
