we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
