You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
