Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
