i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
