no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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