I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
