But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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