hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
