dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
