I am spending my child support on dildos
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
