I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize