I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
