it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
