I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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