The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize