just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
