he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
