so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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