I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
