you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
