i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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