We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
