nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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