My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
