I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This is my gift to your gina
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
