There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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