i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
and she was petting her beer can
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
