Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize