He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
