if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
