Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
