my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
