My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
