You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
