The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
