I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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