omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
