Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize