The brown eye won't let me do that either.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
