y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
