I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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