Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
