I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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