Welp...herpes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
