census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Blood and glitter go together right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
