Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
