here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
