so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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