I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
