not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
