Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
