who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
