so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize