Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
