Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
