Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
