my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
