I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
too bad you live with your parents still
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
