Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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