So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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