this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
