WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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