he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
