i don't like sucking hair
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
