Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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