So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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