i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
